Just in Time
by Bards of Bedlam
Summary: Saving a life isn't always a grand gesture. Slash. Luke/Noah.


Sorry, Bright and Sparkly Things. I know I'm supposed to be working on "That Which Does Not Kill You" right now, as well as the three other multi-chapter works in progress that have apparently been in suspended animation for an unforgivably long period. I sat down and started to work on a new chapter for you, and instead…this came out. I know it's not what you wanted and I apologize.

Also, this started out as a Strachey fanfiction. Then, on a whim, I plugged Noah's name in instead of Donald's, and it clicked. And that's how I wrote my first _As the World Turns_ fanfiction! Ta-daaaaa!

**Title:** Just in Time

**Fandom:** As the World Turns

**Genre:** Romance

**Pairing:** Luke/Noah

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** Saving a life isn't always a grand gesture. On a very special day, Noah contemplates the nature of his relationship with a very special someone.

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_Saving a life isn't always a grand gesture. Sometimes it's simply about throwing a lifeline to a drowning man, and still being there when he climbs out of the water. Sometimes it's about holding out your arms and folding someone in them and whispering that everything will be all right._

_And sometimes…sometimes it's about love. Kisses stolen by a pond studded with starlight. Secret notes exchanged on the porch as a new year begins. Holding hands under the dinner table and sharing wordless little smiles during grace. Sometimes it's about mistletoe and magic and three little words and wanting someone with all the most secret parts of your heart and soul._

XXX

Today is a very special day.

No, it's not my wedding anniversary. It's not my birthday. It's not anyone else's birthday, either, that I know of. It's not a national holiday. It's not really a day that anyone else would remember, and I don't know that anyone else does.

I do.

Today is the anniversary of my first day at the WOAK station. The anniversary of the day I met…well, more than one amazing person, but one amazing person in particular. The anniversary of the day I walked into a room and immediately got chewed out for being late by the man who would one day become my everything.

It's not my birthday. It's something more important.

Today is the anniversary of the day my life began.

XXX

_Saving a life isn't always a selfless act. Sometimes you do it because you don't want to let the other person go. Sometimes you do everything you can to help them because if you don't, they might leave, and you can't stand the idea of watching them walk away._

XXX

Before I met Luke Snyder, I was surviving, but I wasn't alive. I never even knew the difference until that moment. I certainly never thought there was anything lacking in my life.

But there was. My life was lacking even the most fundamental aspects that make it possible for a person to thrive. I was rarely in one place for more than a year at a time. I had very few people my own age to talk to. I had no mother, and my father was as inscrutable and unreachable as the moon.

I could shoot a moving target with deadly precision, dismantle and reassemble a gun blind-folded, take a punch and throw one back without batting an eye. I was obedient. I recited the Pledge of Allegiance in every situation that called for it, and I meant every word. I saluted military men and respected my elders. I was polite. I was reserved.

I hid.

Then I met Luke, and suddenly, I received a taste of what it would be like to come out of hiding. He wanted _me_. He wanted Noah Mayer. Not Noah, son of Colonel Winston Mayer. Not Noah the army brat. Not Noah the soldier-to-be.

He wanted Noah the film geek. Noah the future director. Noah the dreamer.

He _saw _me, and he didn't look away.

XXX

_Saving a life isn't always a conscious choice. Sometimes you do it accidentally, and you never regret it, but you never meant to do it, either._

XXX

I don't know what Luke was trying to accomplish with me in the beginning. I was a complete mess—a deeply closeted basket case with no recent history of human contact worth mentioning. I was in denial about even the most basic factors that made me who I was, and I definitely wasn't interested in changing that.

But, without either of us noticing, something happened. Something…crept up on us. On me. Suddenly, I wanted to know what it would be like to live. To thrive. To do more than just try to live up to my father's expectations, then feel horrible about myself because I never could.

Before Luke, I was surviving.

But that will never be enough for someone like Luke. He has so much passion, so much energy, so much…pizzazz. I sometimes wonder how it can all be contained in a single human body. It intimidated me in the beginning; I couldn't fathom it. I couldn't fathom the idea of living so fearlessly, of walking so close to the edge and never being afraid to jump.

Until now.

Now, I'm learning what means to do more. I'm learning what _living_ feels like.

And I can truthfully say that it feels pretty damn good.

XXX

_Saving a life isn't always a great act of heroism. It's not always about throwing yourself in front of a train, or stopping a speeding bullet, or dismantling a bomb just before it detonates._

_It isn't always about being Superman._

_Sometimes, it's about __not__ being Superman. Sometimes it's about breaking down, and showing someone else that it's okay to break because someone will always be there to pick up the pieces. Sometimes, it's about curling up in someone else's arms while you cry, and showing them how important they are, because they're the ones who will catch you when you fall._

_Sometimes, it's about letting someone else be your Superman._

XXX

I can honestly say that before Luke, I never knew what it was like to feel needed. Life with my father was always very…militant. I was completely isolated from him even when we were standing in the same room. He didn't need me there, and I probably could have survived without him, too. Insecurities certainly weren't acceptable, nor were so-called "chick flick" or "touchy feely" moments. Hugs were an almost foreign concept.

Then I met Luke, and we slowly began to fall, and suddenly hugs were the _only_ concept. In even the most hellish situations, the world always righted itself the minute his arms came around me or mine went around him.

I had my first mental breakdown in Luke's arms.

He was the first person to seek comfort from my embrace, and the first person to try to comfort me with one of his own.

And I slowly began to realize what it meant to live for someone else, not because you were expected to, but because you _wanted_ to. And, more slowly still, I realized that Luke was living for me, too.

XXX

_Saving a life doesn't always pertain to the physical definition, because there's more to life than breath and a heartbeat and a functioning brain. Living also means loving, and taking chances, and finding yourself, and creating yourself, and making your way back to a once-familiar home or maybe a home you've never known before._

XXX

He saved my life, and he doesn't even realize it. For the longest time, I didn't realize it, either. I always thought of living in the most basic sense. My heart was beating, my lungs were working, so I wasn't dead. That meant I was alive, right?

Luke showed me how very wrong I was, and I will always be grateful for that.

He'll be here in a few minutes. I don't think he knows why I always make such a huge fuss about him on this same day every year. He probably wonders why, on this day, I always hold him just a little tighter, smile at him just a little brighter, and thank him sincerely before we fall asleep in each other's arms.

And I let him wonder. Because it's more fun that way, and because I have no words to tell him even if I wanted to.

XXX

_Saving a life isn't always a grand gesture. Sometimes, it's all in the little things._


End file.
